In the last couple of weeks I have only managed to write around 500 words, and that was all in one go yesterday. Not a monumental effort, but the story I’m writing is still at the forefront of my mind enough for me to just pick it up and start writing again – so I must be thinking about it often enough to allow this to happen.
Of course, right now everyone else is discussing the upcoming NaNoWriMo and whether or not they are going to take part. There are lots of good reasons to do it, especially if you have a decent idea of the fiction that you want to write – like I do. Yet, on the other hand I would feel that I am setting myself up to fail: because I know that I would be unable to keep up the pace. As I so deftly pointed out in a previous post I am not a habitual writer, and as such I think pressuring myself into writing thousands of words per day is not going to encourage my literary sensibilities. Of course, the whole idea is that in order to complete a novel you actually have to write it, and so November is as good a month as any to really get stuck into that and focus for thirty days in getting as much done as is possible for you.
Still, I’m a perfectionist and therefore have a real fear of failure. On the other hand, my tag line asks ‘Is it better to say I tried and failed, than never to have tried at all?’ What harm could it do to attempt the challenge if it could potentially get me writing again? I seem unable to make a decision at the moment – rising and falling between two opposing answers that are part of the same landscape: without the valley there would be no mountain, yet the mountain would simply be flat, high land were it not for the sweeping fall back into the valley.
Begrudgingly I do feel I have to try: if I don’t try I will never know by how much I could have failed (or even succeeded!). If I don’t try then I am not being true to myself. If I DO try then I can always say that I attempted the ‘impossible’ – which is how it feels to me, as I truly don’t believe I can manage the pace and therefore don’t want to set myself to fail – but at least I will be able to say I had the guts to try for the glory. I don’t want to cower in the corner afraid of the dark, not if by standing to face it I could reach out and turn on the light…