In the month of December I have written the equivalent of 250 words per day. What is slightly shameful about that is that I have actually only written on four out of the current total of thirteen days in December.
It’s difficult, this self-motivation lark. Last month I had the competitive edge, the drive and focus that comes with a struggle of many. Now I feel like I’m on my own and there isn’t anyone checking on my progress, pushing me and encouraging me to carry on when it all gets a little bit too hard.
Not that there haven’t been ‘reasons’ for my lack of commitment. [I write ‘reasons’ because generally this tends to be high-end vocabulary for ‘excuses’] I’ve been unwell – not ‘feel a bit rubbish’ type ill, but ‘can’t get out of bed and can hardly stand in the shower’ sort of ill. Holding a pen was impossible, and working on the laptop made me dizzy and disoriented.
There have been other priorities that had to be dealt with first: although I am now realising that this has vague remnants of a past post associated with it. Throughout November I put writing at the top of almost every daily to-list I made. In December, sometimes it hasn’t even featured at all.
How do you cope with waxing and waning responsibilities of everyday life and still manage to put yourself first at least once each day? Although, that isn’t entirely the right point – what’s come first for me most days out of the past two weeks has been the need to rest, to relax and take a few deep breaths and not feel consciously anxious about all those things I’m not doing.
Okay, so writing is moving slowly. But it is moving forward at least. I can’t always maintain the rail road mania of NaNoWriMo, but at least I’m still writing. I just need to find a way to balance it out so that I’m writing more often than not, rather than just now and then. Before November an average of 250 words a day would have seemed like a lot for me, so I shouldn’t take away from my smaller achievements just because I managed a bigger one. My words might be slow moving, but at least there are words…