The thing about being a writer – trying to become a published author – is that when it comes time to compromise on activity the first thing to go is the commitment to write. Not because I don’t want to do it, not because it isn’t important to me or because I have nothing to say, but simply because writing is done purely for me and me alone, so it is the easiest thing to let go when the need arises.
I am not yet published. I do not have scores of expectant readers waiting for my next novel, nor a publisher or agent to send material to. There are no deadlines or promises of payment to get things done, whereas in other aspects of my life there are such. My job, for example, as an educator in a Museum – work colleagues rely on me to do the things I promised and excited school children are reliant on me doing this job well. My home life, where I have a dog who needs to be walked and fed and played with; a partner who needs some time and attention; and let’s pretend we can ignore the household chores (as I do most of the time anyway).
Therefore, when illness plagues me, the first thing to slip is my writing. Perhaps it shouldn’t be, but as it pleases only me for the moment it is the task with the least consequences associated as a result of putting things on hold. However, when said illness begins to interfere on more than this level, when it prevents me from walking my dog or doing my job…well, then everything has to go on hold and I want to turn back to my writing as some form of comfort, to prove there is still something I can do, even if only in a small way.
Today I was declared unfit for work until the 14th April. There is a distinct possibility this should have happened earlier, but work has been so busy and I’ve been so looking forward to Camp NaNoWriMo that I got distracted and thought I was wonder woman again, rather than a regular person who also happens to suffer with M.E. It was a case of too much, all at once and I’ve now fallen from a great height, crashing down with a bruised ego and humble acceptance.
Fortunately, work will go on without me and this should help me work up the energy to walk my poor little dog. My writing…well, this I’m not so sure of. I am suffering with Sinusitus, and for anyone who recognises this affliction they will know that concentration, clear thinking and PC work do not fit well with this type of infection. As you can tell, I am managing some…having missed my blog post earlier this week I couldn’t disappoint again (yet another example of how I hate to let others down). But, it also serves to remind me – by way of reminding those who stop by here – that sometimes we all need our rest, and we should prioritise this the same way we should prioritise our writing when we are well.
So, I’m off to rest. Then walk the dog, of course. 😉 Stay well, and hopefully I’ll be back soon to report the same.