Suddenly I find myself without. I have no desire to write, no motivation to edit, no impetus to create. I am lack-lustre and blanched. I look at the goals I have set for myself and turn away, for a reason I can’t quite understand. I have forgotten what it is to enjoy writing.
I’m sure I could write if I sat down to do it. I could print off that short story and improve the dialogue, add some descriptors. If I let my mind wander far enough I can even imagine the beginnings of something new; a character, a place, a scenario. But it seems pointless to me at the moment to do any of these things, to commit to them or even attempt them. An ‘ordinary life’ is all I seem to have the energy for now – the possibilities that I dreamed might come from writing elude me and I’ve lost the faith in myself that I used to possess.
I still want the things I wanted before and I suspect that, one day, the desperate need to fulfil these things will return. But right now I can’t fathom it. I can’t imagine hours spent crafting worlds with fictional people trying to determine their ways. I don’t want to. I’m happy in the worlds other people create for me. I like getting lost in other people’s words: it’s easier somehow.
So I have decided to take a sabbatical of sorts. A break. Some time away. The WIP is almost done, it is so close to being a potential reality I think I’ve stalled out in fear and misplaced the faith I need to believe in it, to believe in me. Pushing isn’t going to yield results, not this way. I can’t pressure myself into falling in love with words again.
I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for. Two weeks, a month, three months…I hope not that long. All I know is that I need some time and, when you feel like that, it’s best to follow your instincts and take the time you need to find your feet again. Thus I plan to withdraw from all types of social media linked with my writing for a little while. I need to escape it, remember why I miss it when it’s absent and rediscover my faith.
I will be back.
Don’t worry. Be safe. Stay true.
Write when you can,
And dream forever.