GUEST POST: Finding My Voice at 40 – Esme Taylor

When I was little I wanted to be a writer. My head was always full of detailed stories about fairies and far away lands. I remember telling my primary school teacher that I was going to write books when I grew up. Her reply? She told me it was a lovely dream, but that’s what happened to other people and I needed to think about what ‘proper’ job I wanted to get.

So, I got a proper job. I actually did write for a living, but academically. Facts, figures, research. I thought it would be enough. It wasn’t. My dreams of being a writer shriveled and were forgotten. Life got in the way. Until it all stopped.

The pandemic gave us all so much more time and my brain decided to use that time to come up with an idea for a book.

I ignored it, remembering that teacher’s words. I was no one special. Who would really read anything I’d written?

But that book was persistent.

I dreamed about it.

Bits of it would play on a loop in my head while I attempted to home school small, defiant people.

I would write down snippets of it while I was meant to be working the day job.

I fought harder to pretend it wasn’t in my head. The book shouted louder until I gave in. I mean, I could write a draft, couldn’t I? I could do it for fun. I didn’t need to show anyone.

So, I did. One weekend, while my kids were with their dad I wrote. I started on a Thursday and stopped on the Sunday… 84,000 laid out in front of me. I didn’t plan my arc, I didn’t plot out my characters, I just let my fingers take the words from my head and plonk them on the page. I mean, I wasn’t showing anyone, was I?

But then I did. I tentatively sent to it another friend who writes, waiting for her to tell me it was rubbish. She messaged me back a day later with a message that said ‘You’ve written a book. It’s brilliant. Get it published!’

I mean…..!!!!

I had some people beta read it, then I got an editor, had the front cover designed, and arranged for some advanced copies to go out. At each stage, those mind monkeys had a field day and I waited for someone to tell me it was awful and I shouldn’t give up the day job.

Only it never happened.

Breaking the Ice, a suspense romance novel, was self-published on Amazon and to my surprise, people are reading it! I don’t think I will ever tire of checking my page reads and seeing them going up each day.

While that book was with the editor a second book appeared in my head and is due to be published in a few months, a third in the series is whirling around in there waiting for a child-free weekend when I can simply sit and write.

It took a pandemic to make me stop and remember those dreams I used to have about being a writer. If you’re thinking about writing a book or wondering if you can really become an author, let me tell you that you can. There is lots of advice out there about how to write, but really, you need to  find a way that works for you. For me, it’s getting it out and then going back and tweaking. I can’t overthink it or reread what I’ve written while I write otherwise, my inner perfectionist wouldn’t let me get past chapter one. The only way you can write a book is to write words every day. If you’re doing that then you’re a writer.

If I could go back and give that younger version of me some advice, it would to be keep writing. To not worry about character development, story plotting, or building arcs. I would tell her that her stories deserve to be heard and that she would find a way of writing that worked for her, even if it’s not the way other people do it. And I would tell her to get some sleep because apparently 40 year me writes best at 3am. It may have taken me a while to feel confident enough to let my fingers turn the people in my head into words on the page, but I got there in the end. It’s never too late to start writing that book, but you need to start.

Do you have a story you want to tell?

If you’re struggling to write – because you’re stuck in the story or simply facing a block – book in a 1:1 with me and let’s get you back to the page with ease and confidence.

My Write Now 1:1 Coaching Hour can take you from dejected, disappointed writer back to motivated and excited about your writing.

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