What does success mean to you?

In our busy society I often think that there are some words we take for granted and misinterpret. One of these is most definitely ‘success’. We have a collective definition for success and we like to apply it to other people as an interpretation as to how well they are doing at life. But we forget that not all people want the same things as us, and even if they do, generally speaking they have their own route and motivating factors to get there.

As authors, perhaps the ultimate sign of success is to be on the New York Times Best Seller List. The longer you remain on it, the more successful you are. But, I’ve met scores of writers whose main aim is simply to reach readers, rather than get on the NYTB list. Equally too, there are some who write because they desire fame and fortune, and others still who just want their name to be known around the world. Being on the NYTB list can be a symbol that each of these have been achieved, but for those individuals the driving force behind their success isn’t focused on that list exclusively. The list is simply an outcome, rather than a product of their success. And they may not have been aiming for this at all in the beginning.

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What do you want?
The most important thing is that you learn how to define what success means to you. What is it that you really want from life? Do you want to be on the best seller list, or will you be happy having sold a few hundred copies to readers who aren’t your relatives?
Success isn’t a static thing, either. It can change and develop as you do. Once, all I wanted was to be able to write regularly and then, when this happened I set my sights on getting a short story published. Success isn’t just about the end goal, it’s also the smaller achievements on the way that mark out that you are on the path to success.

How will you know when you’ve got it?
One of the biggest challenges we face in this commercial, rat-race of a world is recognising when we are successful. A lot of the time we neglect to see our own success in favour of identifying it in others. We look around at our friends, family, work colleagues and beyond and think that we don’t match up – when, really, they’re all doing the same and believe you are more successful than they are!

Yes, that young, fresh author managed to get her debut novel onto the NYTB list, but she did it by writing about the tragedy that surrounds her life. She wants to share this to ensure other people don’t have to endure what she did; the one thing that we neglect to factor in when we judge how successful she might seem. This is a prime example of why we shouldn’t measure our own success on someone else’s scale. We can always look outside of ourselves and find people who we think are ‘doing better than us’ – but we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, nor do we understand if what these people have is really what they wanted.

My current writing desk, plus view!

Imagine your ideal life – and keep that at the forefront of your terms for success. I picture myself sitting at a writing desk, in my ‘Plotting Shed’ staring out of a window that looks onto a wild garden with trees, beside a bookshelf full of my novels with a dog (or two) at my feet. I’ve had both the dog and a writing desk for some time. More recently I left my job to be a writer and Writing Coach and my Plotting Shed is on its way. While other people might not consider that success on their own scale, for me it’s an important step to the bigger dream.

Does it contribute to a bigger picture?
And that’s what we need to keep focused on. Every one is an individual – we all have our unique dreams and desires and we should be careful lest envy starts to distract us from our own ‘bigger picture’. Yes, the ultimate dream may change – remember, success isn’t a fixed point – but don’t want what someone else has just because they have it. Consider what YOU want. Are you building up to this, or is life taking you in a different direction? Work smart by asking yourself if you really are working toward what it is you say you want.

Unfortunately, as many of us know, being an author isn’t a guaranteed path to riches. So, you can’t necessarily rely on writing exclusively to get there. I worked hard to get my two-up-two-down house on the edge of the Pennines, and for years I built in other opportunities that contributed to success on my own terms. For me, it meant a part-time job and some freelance work along with putting my health first when I had to – things that took me away from writing, but provided me with the financial security and energy I needed in order to get to where I am now.

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The importance of everyday success
While doing the washing and cleaning the bathroom don’t factor into my personal ideal of success – I don’t judge my success based on my housekeeping skills (thankfully) – it does need doing. These everyday chores are a small part of my overall success. Remember the last time you went over to a friend’s house for coffee and their living space was immaculately clean, their kids were polite and neatly dressed and they had just added a brand new extension on to their house? What tiny part of you didn’t think ‘I wish I could do this’ and compare your failings as a housekeeper/parent/house owner to theirs? It’s a natural reaction in some ways, but it’s driven by societal views. For your friend, her success that day was dependent on you seeing how tidy her home is, how well behaved her children are and how proud she is of being able to add to her home; even if, ultimately, she judges her own success on how well she is coping at work.

Remember to cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit for all the little things that you do outside of your ultimate ideal of success. Working on a novel, all I really want is for it to be written, but every chapter I complete, every plot point I work out and even every load of washing I get done whilst I’m trying to write that novel – these are all everyday successes that we often forget about. Give yourself permission to see your achievements the way someone else might – and you’ll realise that there are plenty of people examining your life who would conclude that you’re more successful at something than they are.

You never know, you might even discover that you’ve been discounting your own success in favour of chasing someone else’s!

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So, what does success mean to you? Let me know in comments, or Tweet Me

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Why I Chose to Follow my Writing Dreams

The Importance Of Dreams

For a long time all I wanted to be was a writer. I love writing; making up fictional worlds that contain complex characters and moral dilemmas is my escape from the hustle of everyday life. Once, my dream was simply to write a novel; then it was to edit that novel; then get that novel an agent.

I’ve had smaller dreams in between; about writing short stories, being published, and getting a 5* review. Each time one of these mini-dreams have come true – not by accident, or luck, or magic – it has been because I made them happen. I made a conscious choice to aim high, and somehow it all worked out better than I expected!

 

Of course, as I conquered the smaller dreams, my imagination created new ones, bigger, bolder, braver ones. Dreams I never quite believed could happen to me. As was the case with this latest one: to leave my Museum job (even though I loved the work) and dedicate my life to writing my own fiction, and helping other writers achieve their own dream of writing ‘that’ novel!  

Time to Choose the Dream

I’ve secretly known I would love to be a writing coach for a while now. I get such a buzz seeing other writers commit to and achieve their dreams, and it’s been so rewarding when I’ve played even a small part in their success. For over a decade I’ve facilitated learning in my Museum role, and translating the skills to nurture new writers to build their confidence and develop their craft to actually write their novel is an easy parallel.  

During the Coronavirus lockdown, being forced to work from home my health was so much more improved. My M.E. and Fibromyalgia became background noise I barely noticed. I honestly never quite dare hope that I could live my life without the constant crushing fatigue and pain. Those things are gone now, and it made me realise that I was compromising my health for a job. Granted, it was a job I loved doing, but when the opportunity arose to apply for voluntary severance I had a choice: continue on in a job I enjoyed but continue in crippling pain; or forge a new path in a role I dreamed of, being able to live a relatively healthy life…

Bed, and laptop with word 'Dream'
Photo by Olenka Sergienko on Pexels.com

Put like that, it didn’t seem like such a difficult decision. 

Dealing with The Fear

Of course that didn’t automatically cancel out the fear. Will it turn out to be a mistake? Will I be able to make it as a writer and a writing coach and create a career that will sustain my way of life? What if no agent will take on my novel/s? So many questions, so many potential fears. But, being a writer has taught me many many lessons already:  

  • If you never put the words on the page, nothing will ever get written  
  • You make a mistake in the draft; you can fix it in the edit 
  • Characters who take the risks, reap the rewards 
  • Difficult challenges teach characters the lessons they need to end the story well 

These are the things I’ve kept in my mind as my fears arise. And like my Idea Generator method* of plotting out numerous stories before choosing one for the novel, I am viewing this path as one of many. There is no ONE right decision. There are many decisions, all of which have differing outcomes. As such I can’t say I’ll ever think I made the ‘wrong’ choice; because I don’t believe there is one. 

Being Confident about my Choice

Of all the options I followed in my imagination as to what could happen if I made various decisions at this point in my life, the one where I stood up to claim my dream and invest in it was the one I knew I would regret if I didn’t follow it. There are people in my life who whole-heartedly support me, and others who don’t quite understand the ‘risk’ I am taking. The main thing is though: I believe. I believe in my ability to make this dream a reality. 

So whatever happens in my drive to be the writer I want to be, and to support other writers to live their own dream, I am confident I will be able to take on the challenge. Following my dream is the brave, bold decision I am happy to make – no matter what happens next.  


 
 

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